I'm Not Alright
by SparkleJohn
Summary: Life as a strange alien isn't all that easy. Dealing with fights left and right, some of my best friends going insane...and...dying...it's not all what it's chalked up to be. Humans are total monsters, and they don't know when to stop. (Karkat POV, major karezi and lotsa solkat and davesol and Johnkat. Rating for future chapters and Karkat's lovely language)
1. We Both Woke Up

AN: hey there! SparkleJohn here~! I'm bringing you my very first attempt at an actual fanfiction with chapters and a real plot. So don't expect anything great from the first chapter or so yet xD here we goooooo~!

I hummed quietly to myself, silently walking down the street away from school. I was blasting music in my headphones, with no warning from the glomp I was about to receive. With a yelp, I fell forward onto the ground with someone clinging to my back.

They ripped off my headphones and crooned into my ear with a giggle, "Hey Karkles~"

"Ugh-Terezi, get the hell off me!" My voice ended up cracking at the end of my sentence, which earned a giggle from the teal-blooded troll whom sat on my back.

"I have decided that you shall walk me home today! It's not much of a stretch anyways, we live on the same street ya know." Terezi declared rather loudly.

"Fine fine, alright, can you get the hell off me first!?"

With a 'hmph', she did, and I was able to regain what little dignity I didn't have before the surprise attack.

My name is Karkat Vantas, me and 23 other trolls came here from Alternia. Don't ask me how we actually managed to get here. It's a long and rather boring story for another time. Anyways. Living on earth has reaped rewards for certain trolls, not naming any names, and has acted as a curse for the rest of us. Society doesn't exactly greet us with open arms when they're all pale-fleshed monkeys without a sense of dignity.

A lot of us are social rejects, around here, school and otherwise. Of course there's still a few of us whom are so high on their motherfucking seahorse, they forget that we're all supposed to get along on this rock. Nothing has really changed from Alternia to here though. We all just try to get along better for the sake of the humans.

I was so deep in though I must not have noticed Terezi had stopped walking next to me and heaved a sigh annoyedly. "Karkat, you zoned out again!"

"Well sorry, I had a long and rather depressing day again." I tried to at least sound like I meant the apology, but she just sighed again and turned away.

"Well whatever, I'm home already. See ya."

I waited a moment after seeing her walk up towards her apartment block before turning and starting down the sidewalk again. It had started to get chilly right about now, so I shoved my hands into my pockets.

Some of us...Nepeta, Sollux, Tavros and even Feferi don't fit in well here. Nepeta was getting bullied so much, she had nearly attacked the kids. She stays home with Equius, since he's not allowed to leave his place because of his issues and all. We all haven't seen Feferi since two or three months ago. The last time she left her and Eridan's place, she got cornered in an alley by a bunch of brutes who tied her up and hung her upside-down by a fire escape and had put those stupid plastic things the humans use to hold beverage cans together. Whatever the fuck those are called. When Eridan found her though, most of us were genuinely surprised that he didn't go and try to kill the guys. But after that they both disappeared for a while. It's only recent that Eridan has been coming back to school. Sollux just gets shit about his eyes and glasses. Tavros, mainly because of his stutter and the horns. All of us get teased for the horns. And stupid humans don't know that 'stop touching my horns' means 'stop touching my horns'. Water under the bridge I guess.

Coming up closer to my apartment block, I noticed someone sitting on the curb. It took me a moment to notice that the person was familiar. They had grey skin? I don't see any horns.

"Hey," I came closer and kneeled down "what are you-"

The troll turned to face me-Vriska-and her cheeks were stained a blotchy grey/blue, from tears and bruises. Her glasses were broken and scratched, and her neck had sores and was oozing blue blood. One of her horns was completely missing, only jagged points of where it was were left. The other horn was badly chipped and cracked, a painful sight.

The sight was surprising and sickening, I nearly stumbled back in horror. "Vriska!? What the hell!?"

Before she could answer, pounding footsteps interrupted her, and Aranea came running towards the both of us. She instantly took up her dancestor in her arms and lifted her off the curb. "Thank gog you found her. I'm sorry but I need to take her somewhere safe," she shot me a worried look and hurried away.

Confused by her sudden appearance and disappearance, I stood.

Heaving a sigh, I again resumed my walk up the stairs to my apartment, which I shared with my dancestor, Kankri.

There was a note on the door, left by him of course.

'Karkar, I w9n't 6e here t9night, I'm 9ut with Cr9nus t9night. Dinner's whatever y9u want.'

Pompous asshole.

I stepped inside and turned on some music, starting my homework.


	2. Alone

AN: sorry the first chapter was so short ^^' I hadn't planned on actually starting this whole thing until after the holidays! But I'll try to at least update this within regular times! I've got the whole plot written and decided, I just need to type it all :3 hope you enjoy this chapter, and if I hadn't said it before please beware of the chance of there being triggering material in this story. It involves self-harm, character death, abuse and bullying. If you don't like those topics or are uncomfortable with such please don't keep reading. If not, please enjoy!

Last night was such a drag. I ended up staying up all night doing homework I didn't even need to have turned in till next week. Kankri didn't get home until super late, around 2 am, and he stormed off to his room looking upset. No questions asked, I packed up all my schoolwork and headed to bed.

In the morning and on my way to school, I was joined by my best friend Sollux for the first time in for fucking ever.

"Th'up?"

I shrugged halfheartedly and yawned "just fucking tired,"

He chuckled and fixed his glasses. "Th'o I heard from Tuna that th'omething happened to Vrithka yetherday. Do you know anything about it?"

My thoughts flashed quickly to the image of Vriska, something that's been haunting me since last night. "No, I don't,"

The Psiioniic narrowed his bi-colored eyes at me, not thoroughly convinced, "really? Latula th'arted tellin everyone about it once th'e found out through Aranea. Th'e would have been th'ure to blab to everyone by now,"

"Then why don't you know?" I huffed, trying to get his stare off of me.

"Becau'the Tuna refu'the'th to tell me, I ju'tht heard him talking about it to Kurloz,"

"Whatever, I don't really care what happened. It's just more of the stupid 'highblood drama,' and we shouldn't care unless it involves us." I kept walking at a brisk pace, my mind racing through way to change the subject. Sollux caught up with me, a stern look on his face.

"FUCK. Well fine then, KK, gue'th we won't talk about that." He sighed and shook his head.

We continued walking down the block in silence for a good time, and just about when we got to school, Sollux looked at me with a worried expression.

"Hey, KK, there'th thi'th thing that'th th'arting to float around with all u'th troll'th, where th'ome of u'th-"

"Go crazy, do something stupid and cut off our horns? How about try to scrub the grey off our skin and fail?" I knew I shouldn't have said it the way I did...fuck and now I feel too guilty with that hurt expression that flashed across Sollux's face.

"Nevermind. Th'ee you later." He fixed his glasses and stormed off amidst the crowd of people.

I heaved a sigh and began trudging through the people, who rather made a pathway for me to walk through, towards my first period class.

Lunch rolled around quickly enough, and nothing really exciting or memorable happened in the first three periods of the day.

I never actually ate lunch at school, so I just continued down the hallway past the cafeteria and quad, going to go and hang out in my fourth period class.

I heard a loud noise, like a dull thud, off to my left down an adjacent hallway. Mildly curious, I poked my head around the corner to a group of guys circled around a form on the ground.

Just some school bullies, oh well. Poor sucker. I usually feel bad for the guys only because I get knocked around enough on my own time. But as I went to walk away, there was sounds of struggling, probably the kid trying to get up or something.

"K-KK!" There was a pained groan that followed the exclamation from none other than my best friend...who just happened to be the person the bullies were beating the shit out of.

"Hey, it's another one of those freaks," sneered one of the boys. He surged forward at me, knocking me backwards with a sturdy punch to my jaw. I stumbled back, trying desperately to keep my balance and I failed, hitting the ground unceremoniously. "Just keep your goddam filthy mitts outta our business, jackass." The group laughed together and continued with the Sollux-beatdown.

"HELL. FUCKING. NO."

Silence filled the hallway after my shout. I had crawled back up to me feet, my hands curling into fists. "Don't you FUCKING DARE, fucking bulgebumpers. You hit him one more time and I swear to fucking GOG I will fuck you up." My voice dropped low and I glared at each of the boys individually.

They all burst out laughing, one whipping out a pocketknife. "What the fucks a gog, freak? And who're you to tell us who we can beat up or not? You wanna be next? You wanna be my bitch? Come on over here and I'LL fuck you up, pretty boy,"

I'm not one to succumb to that sort of provocation, but with Sollux involved, my best friend, I couldn't resist lunging at the kid.

But by some chance, Sollux happened to come to from unconsciousness and use his Psiioniic's to stop me and the bullies. He threw them to the side of the hallway and me backwards, running up to grab my arm and haul me off the ground and down the hall.

Looks like I'm missing out on class today.

AN: short chapter again...I'm so sorry ;-;


	3. Karkat's Diary 1

AN: sorry for not updating guys, been working on another story via a tumblr prompt, which spiraled into a whole story instead of a lo let one-shot 0-0 here's a very short chapter of filler to fill ya over until I can get around to writing a whole big chapter. Self-harm warning and a small bit here to give insight later in the story. But keep it hush-hush! Only you and Sollux know about this spoiler, so don't tell Karkat!

You are now Sollux Captor. You're staying over at your best friend Karkat's house tonight to help him with some homework when you stumble upon a journal marked 'fucking bullshit'. You chuckle at the name and flipped it open to the first page. You don't worry about Karkat coming in and discovering you delving into a possession of his, as he's currently caught up with Kankri, getting a lecture nonetheless about proper hosting skills. Whatever. You start reading the first entry:

"My name is Karkat Vantas, and I'm only writing in this stupid thing because Kankri says it's 'therapudic'. He wants me to 'write about my feelings and express my emotions'. What a load of bullshit. But anyways lets just get this over with. You already know all about me so I'll cut to the chase. I get bullied at school...well...more than bullied. I've come home with broken bones before from beatdowns behind the school. I just don't know why I'm hated so fucking much. I already hate myself enough without all those human asshats fucking up my feelings and everything. Kankri says I have anger issues, and I can't control my mouth, so that's why I get beat up all the time. Hell, I get beat up so goddamn much I had Equius offer to teach me how to fight. EQUIUS OF ALL PEOPLE. But I reuse all the time. I don't want that sweaty fuck anywhere near me, let alone teaching me some fucked up form of fighting when it won't do anything against those dumbasses."

You stare confusedly at the rest of the blank page. It seems the entry stops there and picks up at another date, two pages behind the last. It's written in a different pen;

"I uh...well. First things fucking first, writing all this crap down is kinda helping me keep a clearer head. So maybe Kankri can do something fucking helpful once in his goddamn after-life. Anyways, I tried something I hadn't ever done before...I saw Rose doing it last night when I went to Kanaya's place to pick up Kankri's extra sweater she made for him. And I gotta say...it's fucking strange and disgusting, but it helps ease up on the pain. I feel like I can breathe easy right now. I only actually made seventeen of them. Which surprises me now, even though I spent twenty minutes bandaging my wrists and cleaning the cuts."

You notice the lettering get sloppy on the last part, and your throat clenches up when you conclude reading the entry. Your best friend in the whole universe...is *hurting* himself!? Wait...there's more to the entry on the backside-your stomach does a flip. Written in bright red ink-or what you hope is ink-is the phrase; "I HATE MY FUCKING BLOOD COLOR" all across both blank pages. He WROTE in his BLOOD!? Sickened, you try to put the notebook down but you just can't. You flip two pages again and start reading the next entry.

"Kankri wanted me to start journaling again. It's been a solid three months since I last wrote in here. I'm almost half fucking tempted to rip out those last few pages. Get rid of any evidence I actually had feelings about something. The cutting's gotten worse, I think I'm addicted. My arms, both of them, are just a fucking mess. I can't ever not wear longsleeves anymore, the scars are so bad. They're up and down my legs, on my hips, my collarbone, anywhere and everywhere just cuts and scars. The bullying hasn't gotten any better, it's gotten worse. They ended up beating the shit out of me twice within a month at least. I've tried talking to someone, Sollux, about it...but I'm honestly afraid that stupid fuck is gonna try and be a hero and stop them. I just don't want him getting hurt because of me. He's...already died twice and all...I can't see him get hurt anymore.

I have to cut this short. I don't wanna get blood all over the paper."

You bite your lip hard and close the book up, sliding it back to where Karkat had it shoved. Frantically, you start searching for the razors. You have to get him to stop you can't-your eyes come to rest at the doorway, where Karkat is standing.

"What the fuck are you doing going through my shit?" The red-blooded troll narrowed his eyes at you, and you immediately feel your face heating up in embarrassment. 'Did he see you reading the journal?'

"I, uh, was mething around with my penthil and threw it acroth the room. Can't find it, mind helping me?"

The Cancer heaved a sigh and rolled his ruby-colored eyes. "Alright fine, I'll look over here," he turned his back to you and you used your trusty psiioniics to pick out a pencil from your open binder and set it silently on the floor by Karkat's foot and you resumed your rummaging. With a jab to the side with said pencil, Karkat delivered the utensil with a smirk.

"It was right behind you, asshat,"

You chuckled softly and grabbed it out of his hand. "Oh thut up."

Hiding your rising nausea, you sat down next to your friend to start on the homework, your eyes searching every second you could for a glimpse of Karkat's wrists at any given moment. You honestly hoped that the journal wasn't true, but you knew in your gut that your friend was sitting there now all cut up to hell, and he was probably going to cut himself up even more after you left. The thought made you sick. You'll make sure to give those kids a major ass-whooping after school tomorrow for bullying Karkat for so long. Hopefully it all goes well.


End file.
